If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
