For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
