I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
