i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
