would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
