Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
