you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
