So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
