I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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