i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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