so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
