Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize