M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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