it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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