Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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