the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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