I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
