if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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