So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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