Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
