Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize