I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
