Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
