Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
