ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
