I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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