I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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