he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
