I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
