Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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