Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
