There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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