My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
