I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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