Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
