3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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