....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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