I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
