I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
