The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
