Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize