Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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