i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
