Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
