yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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