Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
