She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
