Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
