i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
