Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
