he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
