There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
