I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
