Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
