Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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