Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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