I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
