I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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