Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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