Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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