I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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