And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
