Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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