I wish I only lived at night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
