Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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