Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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