You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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