It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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