Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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