if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
