she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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