She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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